"I Thought I Had Enough"

 by Mr. Carlton James Palm

Scripture Text: Matt. 14: 13-21    DS November 2021

 

I want to thank our Dean and the faculty for continuing to invite me to share a word to the most fantastic, amazing, brilliant, Divinity School students, faculty and alumni, as we begin Stewardship Month.  As head of the Silliman Water District and Justice and Peace Center and I am not circulating as much with the Divinity School, so I thank you for keeping me on your radar.

 

As I would always teach at my preaching seminars, the first important step in composing any sermon, is to know who your congregation or audience is.  And I know who you are! You are all intelligent Pastors and Pastors to be, so my sermon today is not about Stewardship and inspiring the congregation.  But instead, it is about Stewardship and inspiring the Pastor. What is our part as Pastors in the giving!

What is our part as Pastors in the offering!

 

PLEASE JOIN ME IN PRAYER.

 

I thought I had enough, I thought I had put in the time and effort needed to be effective in Mission. I had finished my seminary work in New York City with a Masters in Mission and went to Europe to finish at the University of Geneva with more Mission. Then I went into Mission with the Presbyterian Church USA sent to the UCCP to visit Mission Projects in Luzon Visayas and Mindanao! Mission, Mission, Mission!

 

I really thought I had enough! I thought I knew Mission until I came to Negros Island! When I came to Negros Island, I got interested in an idea of creating Self Reliant churches in the mountains of Mabinay. My Neighbor at Silliman Park was an Agriculturalist who was grafting Mangoes!  Together we thought we could save the churches of Mabinay if we could create Mango orchards on their church properties.

 

We came with a scientific concept to the communities in Mabinay.  “Plant seven trees, and in seven years, we will be producing 700 pesos a month”. I had not tested this scientific theory, but it sounded good and exciting.  We located the perfect pilot church in Lamdas, Mabinay. A church on about one hectare of land perfect for planting. We convinced them that Mangoes would save their struggling church. They did not seem as excited as we were, but we thought - they just do not understand yet!

 

We were amazed that on such beautiful land around the church they were not planting any cashcrop.  What is wrong with them? But, instead of asking them why they were not planting anything on this land.  We said to ourselves, thank God we are here!  Just in time to uplift and empower the struggling churches of Mabinay! Excited we went back to Dumaguete to prepare 200 Mango grafted seedlings. I could hardly wait for the few months it would take for them to grow to the 24 inches with healthy leaves to be taken to Mabinay!

 

That day came and we drove up with the 200 Mango grafted seedlings. This was a special day and we were excited! We arrived in Lamdas and it was a Sunday, when members were coming to Church. We wanted everyone to see the beautiful, grafted mangoes. Their salvation is here.  We laid them all out at the back of the church on the ground. Spread out. We would first worship and then plant in the afternoon.  The whole worship service was about the blessing of the Mango Seedlings from Dumaguete. The Worship went on and on with a long message, special words from us, several songs, special music, it was a long worship.  Almost as long as a Ma’am Magnolia Worship at the Convocation!

 

Finally, the worship was over, and we started out of the church.

 

When we came outside, I was shocked, I was horrified! There were about 15 goats standing on top of the seedlings eating all the leaves! They had enough time, during the long worship, to eat more than half the seedlings. Half the seedling eaten the other stepped on, walkover, crushed, ruined! I shouted, the “goats, the goats!”  Others shouted “kanding, kanding!”

 

We asked, “why did’nt you tell us!” One of the elders said, “Sir, you never asked us.”And he went on to say: “Kanding ang sa amo dire! Kanding ang among gusto! Dili kami para sa tanum dire! Mas maayo ang kanding para sa amo! Makatabang ba kamo sa kanding?”

 

I thought, yan o nakatabang kami. Busog na ang imong mga kanding! So today, please do not show me another - kanding! I do not want to see or hear the word kanding!

 

It was another DISCIPLE MISTAKE in the name of Jesus.  After all these years and study – I still needed to level up!  Disciples like me and you have again and again made mistakes in the name of Jesus. Blinded by our own assumptions and self-righteousness!  We have acted foolishly.  Even harshly!  People have left the church!  People have been hurt in the church! People have not been nurtured!  Not because of Jesus.  But because of Disciples – like you and me.  Not because of Jesus.  But because of Pastors – like you and me.

 

There was an important day back in the Bible! A day when Jesus offered some of the best DISCIPLE EDUCATION outside in a deserted place.  Jesus needed the Disciples to level up!

On this day Jesus was teaching some serious lessons the hard way!  Jesus was giving out some assignments with exam questions!  Like in the class of Ma’am Jeaneth.

 

On this day Jesus was in Nazareth and after a long day of travel and healing, he was tired. He decided to take the twelve Disciples and get in a boat and go across the sea of Galilee to get away from the crowd.  But you know how crowds can be, they did not let him go, they decided they were going to follow him.  But the crowd did not get in the boats they decided to walk around the sea of Galilee to see where Jesus was going. Walk around the sea of Galilee. That is like walking to Valencia maybe 10 kilometers away.

 

By the time they found Jesus, when you count the men the women and the children, there were more than 5000 people all around to see Jesus.  And the Bible says, this time the crowd was a little different. Nobody was lining up to get healed. Nobody was singing or praying. Nobody was worshipping. The mood was not joyful. Then I figured out why. It was late, they were far from home, and they were hungry. And you know that when it is late, and you are far from home, and you are hungry - MOODS CHANGE. Try visiting the Woodward Hall when it is late, and students are far from home, and students are hungry. Even Divinity Students who follow Jesus, get moody.  They get moody when you borrow their computer. They get moody when you ask them to clean up a little. They get moody when you tell them to turn off the music. Even Divinity Students who follow Jesus can get into some bad moods, when they are tired, far from home, and hungry!

 

Now listen to this! You won’t believe it! In the midst of everybody being tired and hungry, one of the Disciples came to Jesus, and you will not believe what he said to Jesus. This Disciple came while it was late, and people were far from home and people were hungry and moody and he had the heart to say to Jesus, “Jesus you should just send everyone away.”  This Disciple came to Jesus and said, “Jesus send everyone away, they are all moody today, and we can’t feed them anyway and so send them away to take care of themselves.”

 

When I read that in the bible, I could not believe it!  They have followed Jesus all this way, they have come to get a healing. But because it is inconvenient for you, Disciple, you will tell them to leave?

 

Oh, you should have heard the talk that began to spread when people found out what the Disciples were saying. You should have heard the crowd, some people mumbled, “Grabeh, I cannot believe he would say that.” Other people said, “sobra na, I am never coming back here again, Hindi na!  And their issue and anger was not with Jesus, it was with the Disciples of Jesus. Do not miss this, there were a lot of people who left NOT because of Jesus. But because of the Disciples of Jesus.

 

I realize everyday that there are people today who are in no church, and out of church! Not because of Jesus, but because of the Disciples of Jesus. The Disciples who said, “you are not welcome here.”Disciples who said, “you do not look, and dress like us.” Disciples who said, “you are strange, you are different, you are moody”. People were offended. And some even began to leave. What I could not understand is how a Disciple of Jesus could be so cruel. How a Disciples of Jesus could be so harsh and unloving that this Disciple could even say,“Jesus, send them away”. It was confusing to me that after being with Jesus for some time already, how Disciples can be so cruel when Jesus was so compassionate, how Disciples can be so judgmental when Jesus was so welcoming. 

 

Even today when I look around me, Disciples argue about what you should wear as Pastors. Disciples argue about whether a youth should be allowed in the pulpit.  Disciples argue about whether the LGBTQ community should be accepted.  Disciples argue about where the flowers and Bibles are in the church.  When all that Jesus cares about is are you hungry? Do you need feeding? Is your soul running on empty? and if so,“Then come onto me…ALL… NOT JUST SOME… BUT ALL YOU who labor

and are heavy burden and I will give you rest.”

 

So, Jesus decided it is time to level up these Disciples! Jesus did not send the people away, no.  Jesus decided to give the Disciples an EXAM.  The Disciples said “Send them away”. And Jesus said “No, YOU give them something to eat.”   Now, Please explain in one paragraph what that means?

 

The answer Jesus was looking for was this. You must not separate yourself from the hunger of our brothers and sisters. You must deal with it. You must handle it. You must engage it. You must connect yourself to it. You must recognize it is your responsibility to feed them.  And that was the very first exam question about being a Disciple that Jesus gave on that day.

 

Real Disciples care about the people around them. Real Disciples are concerned about what is going on in the community. Real Disciples engage with the problems that hurt our community. Real Disciples do not see a problem and excuse themselves from it. Real Disciples can hear the word of God saying,

“You feed them, you fix it, you get involved, you volunteer, you join, you mentor, you pray, you become a leader.”  God calls us Pastors to care about what is going on around us. To face it, address it, and to do something to change it! 

 

Now get ready for Exam Queston number 2.  Jesus said, “You feed them. You find a way to give to them.”  And when Jesus said this, he put them in a very difficult situation. Because he says it in a deserted place.  In case you did not notice, vegetables do not grow in deserted places and there is no market, sari-sari store, or Bread Camp in deserted places. The Lord says, “You feed them” in a place where they do not have enough food.

 

 

 

One of the most dangerous places for a Disciple to be in is to know that there is a demand to provide, but there is not have enough to make it happen. Have you ever been there? Where you just did not have enough? Where you had more sermons, visits, requests, and vigils than you had time for. Where you had more members in need than you had resources to give? And you did not have anybody you could call or borrow from? Have you ever been there? It is a horrible place to be.  And the reason it is so difficult for us Pastors to be there is because, as Pastors, it is not natural for us to ask for help. One of the difficulties of being a Pastor is the belief that we never need help. That we can handle it all. And to ask for help is almost an embarrassment.

 

But life has a way of putting us in a place where sometime somewhere we will just not have enough. Where the answer is not in our hands, it is not in our mind, we cannot do anything but call on somebody to help us.  This was that moment! The Disciples were confused, wondering, worried, stressed. How are we going to get this done?

 

Then Jesus asks Exam Question number 2: Jesus looks to Philip and asks, “Where are we going to buy bread for all these people?” In a deserted place! No market! And Jesus is asking this question?  This is like a Hebrew exegesis exam!  But wait! There is a clue in the question! Listen again, “Where are we going to buy bread for all these people?” Do you see it?  Do you hear it? Level up! We are Silliman University Divinity School!  The very way Jesus asks the question also gives the answer. Listen again, “Where are WE going to buy bread for all these people?” Jesus is asking, “How are WE going to get this done?” “How are WE going to fix this?” “How are WE going to handle this situation?” “What are WE going to do when WE do not have enough?”  Do you see the hidden answer? This time Jesus asks,

“What are WE going to do and how are WE going to fix it?”

 

And that was the SECOND lesson about being a Disciple, a Pastor, that Jesus taught on that day. Real Disciples do not claim to have all the right answers and solutions.  Real Disciples believe that we is stronger than me. Real Disciples can find answers in the ideas of the community.  Real Disciples recognize their own limitations and can ask for help.  Real Disciples are not self-righteous and unable to listen.  Real Disciples are humble can see that it is not I, but WE.

 

I still cannot look at a kanding. But if only I had not been so self-righteous.  If only I had been humble to listen first to the community.  I may have been called a Real Disciple!

 

Well, you know how the rest of the story goes, Jesus takes the 2 fish and 5 loaves, he blesses it and gives it to the Disciples to distribute.  Jesus blesses and gives to the Disciples to distribute the blessing.

And the Final Exam question is this – What will you do with the bread and fish? 

 

You are tired! You are hungry!  You are a Disciple - so you are deserving! But Jesus says “distribute!”   Don’t eat “distribute”. This is difficult.  This takes sacrifice. This requires self-discipline. This needs humility.  But Jesus says “distribute!” – don’t eat – “distribute!”

 

But on that day, I saw how the Lord works. The Lord blesses, gives to the Disciples, and says distribute

and watch what happens.  Everybody eats, everybody is full and then there are some leftovers – bring house!

 

 

 

Now wait… Just in case you did not answer the others questions correctly…

There is the bonus question on the Exam! Just like Sir Lope Robin’ exam!

 

Here it is.  There are leftovers, not just a few but a lot of leftovers. The Bible says they filled baskets with the leftovers.  How many baskets did they fill? How many? Of course, you know, you are Silliman University Divinity School!  The answer is TWELVE!  The bible says, they filled TWELVE baskets!

Now, how many DISCIPLES did Jesus have?

 

What does that mean? Tt means when the Lord blesses it and we distribute it, the Lord will bring it back in abundance to meet the needs that we have. It means when the Lord blesses it and we give, and we sacrifice, the Lord will bring it back in abundance to meet the needs that we have.  The Lord has a plan to bless us by our blessing others! The Lord has a plan to bless us by our blessing others!

 

I often LOOK BACK on that day in Lamdas Mabinay when the KANDING destroyed my plans. When I thought I had enough! When I thought I had all the answers! Only to realize that I still needed some leveling up. Still needed some learning. Still needed some improving.  Real Disciples know that no degree, no number of years, makes you perfect.  Real Disciples know that we must never stop leveling up.  Real Disciples know that there will be pain and sacrifice!

 

But real Disciples know that the Lord has a plan and a promise and a track record to bless us, to bless us by the way we bless, we give, and we sacrifice for others!

 

This is the truth of our calling as Disciples! This is the truth of the God we follow! Thanks be to all you Disciples and Thanks be to God! Amen.